Just copy and paste to modify as necessary;
Dear Collections Department;
I am both sorry and elated to inform you that the subject of your repeated phone calls, your debtor, (Insert Name) has been raptured and will therefore be unable to remit payment on Account #_______. Per his contractually given rights afforded by divine promise, having been a good and god-fearing christian, he has been forgiven all trespasses and debts, to include the sum of $____ owed to your company. For precedent, please see KJ Bible. It is requested, therefore, that all contact attempts by your company cease and desist.
Should you have any questions or concerns, or for verification purposes, please contact (Insert Name)'s immediate supervisor, Jesus Christ, Chairman and CEO of Heaven, Lord and Saviour.